20 Miles Behind Me

I got behind in my training schedule so I HAD to fit in 20 miles.  Saturday we had a birthday party for one of Simon's friends that I just did not want to miss.  It was at a bounce place and it was a ton of fun.  I didn't think much of carrying my 43lb, non-walking son up the unstable bouncey stairs to the big slide.  In fact I was pretty proud of myself for doing it without losing my breath.  Next I took him with his friend Brogan, also a non-walker to a bouncey thingy that was unoccupied by any of the other kids.  Brogan's mom and I had to stablize it so our sons would not knock heads, and then a bunch of kids came running and bouncing over and that gave us a more difficult and interesting variable to keep our kids safe.  I felt no fatigue in my legs, it was a fun day.

Sunday morning began my 20 miler.  I decided on two 6 mile loops to my house and then a final 8 to the canyon. The first 3 miles hurt, but then they always hurt.  At the end of it I had to use the bathroom so bad I ended up walking home most of the 3 home.  Took care of business then headed back out for my second 6 mile loop.  It went better but I was still hurting despite careful fueling.  I was frustrated, perplexed and annoyed.  I finished that second loop, and plain wanted to quit.  My mind started telling me this was good enough.  Luckily another part of me kicked in and said no, you only have 8 more miles.  They are beautiful miles and even if you drag yourself there, you're going to do this.  So off I went.  It felt good, then it felt better.  About mile 17, my heels were really hurting so I tried to stay on my tip toes and continued.  At about 19 miles, my feet were swollen and hurt so I ran/walked a lot, but I saw my destination ahead and just moved forward.  I decided despite it being the sabbath I was going to get a mormon muffin.  Afterall, that can't be too bad right, it is a MORMON muffin, so its got to be perfectly acceptable to purchase for a Sunday ; )

I went outside, took off my shoes and waited for Joseph to come get me.  I ate that muffin sitting outside on a concrete wall with a sense of pride and accomplishment.  Its all down hill from here.  3 weeks of taper and then the marathon.  I'm as ready as I'll ever be.  Tonight my "run" will have to be barefoot in my bedroom to give my heels a rest.  I've gotten some excellent advice on how to prevent that in the future and I will be heeding that advice.

This Marathon has become about so much.  I've always had a sizeable strength of mind, but I can see it getting stronger.  It's helped me solidify that what needs to be done, can be done.  I've realized that despite my critizism of some of my runs, there is no doubting that I have gotten stronger with each one.  This started out as a quest to be stronger for my son.  Its ended with a quest to show myself what I am capable of.  Its also become an accomplishment I need to acheive for both myself and my father who loves to run but has been stopped by arthritis in his knee and now with the return of his cancer.  I will do this.  There is no option of not doing this.  I will do it for Simon, for my dad and for myself.

When Life Gives you PMS, Make it a Whoop Ass Day

Everyone knows the story.  Every month a woman becomes a whirling eating frenzy with an attitude.  I never really understood that personally, I barely noticed my monthly friend, except that she was an inconvenience but never really stayed long, so it was all good.  Now I'm older, and the thing about getting older is things become more of a pain in the ass; literally and figuratively.  My monthly friend is one of those.

Being who I am, I'm very optimistic and very opportunistic.  I have many things that need to be taken care of and sometimes with a little aggression.  So I wait until I can feel my tolerance level diminishing, then I make my list and make my phone calls.  Some would say this is the worst time because you're not being as reasonable as you would be otherwise.  I say, there is no better time; being reasonable rarely gets action.  Calling people with my big ol' turkey leg in one hand and a receiver in the other; that gets people jumping.  During this "special" time, I picture myself as the Tazmanian Devil, a tornado of destruction and grrrrr.  I eat and I bark.  I'm going to go through it anyway, so why not use it as a tool of getting things done?  Throw in holding in this anger for a month before taking action and there is just no stopping me.  I can change the world.

So really what we're talking about here is a good use of resources.  How could that ever be a bad thing.  If you disagree, well let me know and I'll give you a call to discuss it next month.

Shut-Up and Run

A quick after thought.  Shut-up and Run is my new mantra, see why here, possibly the best blog I've ever read in my life.  Even if you aren't a runner, she is worth reading.

Run Fat Girl, Run

My parents worked hard to make me an athlete.  I liked clothes and boys and music; running I did because they told me to.  I was blessed with strength.  Strength I took for granted.  I was a natural athlete who just went and did what I wanted without much effort.  If I put on a few pounds it was pretty easy to decide I didn't like them and do something about it and it was done.

Things have changed.  I still am strong..ish. For someone my age and fitness level, strong.  I got fat, and continue to try and get rid of it despite trying.  Hard.  All that strength of body and mind diminished.  I wanted it back.  I had to work for it.  In my quest for health, I find myself trying to find that athlete my parents wanted me to be because now I want her.  I realize I mistreated her and took advantage of her.  I'm having to beg for her to comeback.  I'm having to face limitations.  I don't accept limitations.  But I'm realizing my confidence is probably my biggest asset.  I just don't acknowledge that I can't do something and I'm fine and I go do it.  I had to struggle with a possible can't and had to prove to myself that I can.  That was foreign to me.

For 18 years my parents tried to encourage my natural gifts.  It took about 30 years for me to get it.  How's that for stubborn.  I now proudly call myself a runner (though I still don't look like one).  I am reading my running magazines and blogs.  My inner athlete is thriving and emerging, but every now and then the fat girl tries to beat her down with doubt and fear.  Every now and then life gets in the way no matter what I do or how much control I think I have.  Lately I've found myself almost giving up, but realized the control I think I've lost is right there in the choice to go out and do it again.  Even when I don't want to.  Even after countless nights of barely any sleep because of our sweet, sick Simon. I do it anyway.  That is the only accomplishment I need to invest any of my time in.  The rest will happen.  I keep trying to tell myself again and again until I believe it.

So 24 days until the marathon.  My training has not been as tight as I've planned.  But I've given it what I've got.  My very best?  I'm not sure.  I wish I could say undoubtedly, yes; but I don't think that would be honest.  But I can say this journey has helped solidify my quest to be and stay strong.  To become the athlete I feel that is in me and deserves my attention, finally.  To become the person that I can always be proud of and be an example to my family.  I really do believe anything you want can be accomplished.  Your quest to always be a better you, every new day, is a lifelong journey.  Each new accomplishment earned should be the beginning of a new one. 

So I ask my friends.  Keep helping me push forward.  Tell this fat girl to run and great things will happen.  Get strong so my Simon can live in our home for his whole life.  Get strong so I can finally tell that fat girl to shut-up; I'm running and can't be bothered to hear what she has to say anymore.

So Bad at This Blog Thing

So 38 days to Marathon and I realized my running seemed to be regressing; I lost my mojo.  I had the WORST 3 mile run.  I felt like it was my first time running EVER. After reading every bit of inspiration I could find and tips etc one thing I noticed was how relaxed people seemed to be.  I decided to go and run a 6 miler "semi-naked" ; no music, no GPS, just clothes ; ) water and chapstick and tissue; the essentials in my world.  It was fantastic.  Everytime my legs began to ache I would remind myself to just relax and enjoy the run. 

There used to be no doubt I would finish the marathon.  I found myself starting to stress out about it and I think that's where I lost my mojo.  I was caring about so many of the small components and not just the act of running.  I am doing this as a goal for myself all I can do is give it my all but not at the expense of losing focus on the why.  So I'm getting back to basics of being healthy and letting the chips fall where they may.  I think that will more ensure my successful marathon more than anything else I do.  We'll see.....

As for the boys.  Joseph is back to full time work for the most part.  Hayden is working at the movie theater and really likes it.  Simon has been battling infections in his ears and sinus' and this appears to have caused an increase in his seizures.  We're talking 22 seizures last Wednesday.  We're still having a tough time getting him to sleep and stay asleep and his sleep Dr. prescribed an additional seizure med and we're increasing his others.  I hope we get him some relief soon. 

Life pretty much right now is working, running and being a mom.