Yes, I ran the FULL Marathon

Its so funny when people talk to me about the marathon.  I mention my time (in the 6 hour area) and they get this horrified look, and I think wow its not THAT bad.  Then they say "oh, you ran the FULL marathon?" I then assure them that yes it was the full marathon. 

Its funny, because to look at me, you would probably not even guess that I ran; unless you looked at my legs.  The legs don't lie LOL.  So when people look at me incredulous that I ran a full marathon it makes me smirk a little.  Its like a hidden super hero skill that no one saw coming.  Not that it really comes handy in fighting crime, unless I want to be a COPS camera man; because lets face it, they run faster than most of the cops.  Truly though there are quite a few fatty marathoners.  Not competitive marathoners, but marathoners that can knock out 26.2 miles on a fairly regular basis.  So don't judge; we can do more than YOU can, so suck it.

I do run.  I'm a fairly slow runner.  I'm a pretty "sturdy" woman, but pretty fit and active; it just doesn't really look like it.  I am working on somethings to see if it changes; like swimming, lifting and not just running.  Sometimes the problem with endurance running is your body gets pretty used to it and doesn't really make a lot of changes to the rest of your body.  Its an age old question that I've read quite a bit about lately; "why do people GAIN weight while training for a marathon?" It really seems like a paradox.  But the physiology really is unmistakable.  So now that I have the marathon under my belt, I am changing it up quite a bit and paying a lot more attention to my eating habits.  They are pretty bad for someone who thought they were pretty good.

Swimming, I am beginning to enjoy more.  I love to swim, as in play and splash and what not.  True stroke swimming is difficult and things just get in the way.  I've had to overcome the embarrassment of being a sturdy woman in my bathing suit, goggles and swim cap. I feel as if I'm trying to fool people into thinking I'm an athlete and have it written all over my body otherwise.  The thing is, I really have to start believing I'm an athlete and treating myself like an athlete so I can truly become an athlete. Thinking is essential to reaching any goal.

So as my journey progresses and I run my measly little half in September : ) hopefully I start looking like the awesome superhero that I feel like.  I already have a cape hidden in my closet, now I just need a name.

Out of the Fog

I want to start this post by stating I love my kids.  Simon is everything, I never knew, I always wanted.  All kids bring heartache of some kind.  Whether it be someone being mean to them at school or having to get a painful shot or other treatment.  Simon just started out his life with us hopelessly watching as others tried to save him.  I gave birth with a smile and within hours had a multitude of tears and fears I had not experienced with my other boys.  Heck except for one broken bone, they had never had anything majorly physical happen to them. I remember feeling myself disconnect from Simon and having to consciously remind myself that it was okay to love him.  I didn't realize really at the time that the fog began then. 

Simon and Dave were pretty much whisked away within hours of his birth.  I got to say one final goodbye before he left for PCMC.  Luckily I had so much confidence for my legend in the sky that either the fog or the confidence made it not so bad.  As long as no one asked me how I was, I was fine.  I remember a social worker coming to my room and being so confused as to why she was there.  I would just say I'm fine.  My tears right now as I write this tell me maybe I never really was.....

Simon came home a week later, which in our community is absolutely fabulous.  We were afraid to care for him on our own and at the time there was no clue as to how complex he would end up being.  We went upstairs and stayed.  We hardly ever left our room.  Simon and his stuff was there.  He and that room became our world.  We thought this was temporary, not a way of life for the next 5-7 years.

Simon went through a lot.  Our family went through a lot.  Our boys had to give up a lot.  There is a lot of negative things I could trudge up and be resentful of.  We still make sacrifices for the benefit of Simon, because he is our family, he is his brothers' brother.  One for all and all for one.  Partnership in a family is so important and not one member of our family has ever let the other down.  Even little boys of 10 & 12 selflessly sacrificed with some consequence.  Life happens to everyone.  Everyone learns something and everyone has some kind of trial. 

Slowly but surely, we are discovering that we can live separately a little.  School helped and the bills that caused me to need to return to work helped that.  It was a good thing. It got me out of the house and not staring at my kid waiting for the next thing to go wrong. 

I'm not going to pretend that this whole experience has been rosebushes and rainbows, but I truly believe a choice is given in what side you concentrate on.  It can be hard or not so hard; its our choice and we made it.  We prefer not so hard.  So how do you do that?  We like to laugh, we laugh all the time.  We laugh about things we shouldn't laugh about.  We don't care, we want to laugh.  We want to smile, we want to find the thing to laugh and smile about.  We have given up the things out of our control and taken full control of the things we can. 

This has not been an easy choice.  Sometimes I really want people to know that despite my cheery attitude, it is hard.  It does bring tears to my eyes.  I do struggle.  I do get overwhelmed.  I do get sad.  I do get TIRED. But I choose not to stay there.  I choose to live.  I probably didn't fully make this choice until not that long ago.  This has been a conscious, goal setting choice.  We have made changes in our lives to ensure that we are living and doing.  It has been a one foot in front of the other, walking out of the fog.  Trying to fully shake the fog.  I don't know if its possible but I will not succumb to being bogged down by it.  Then where do I end up?  Sitting upstairs with a frown doing nothing about anything.  That is no way to live.  That is getting by.

Chromo Kids are Human Too!

If you're a doctor reading this and think my kid and any kid like him shouldn't be allowed to live.....keep reading. 

With many kids with chromosomal abnormalities, we can anticipate that there will be some health issues.  With children without chromosomal abnormalities, we can anticipate that there will be some health issues.  How do we decide which one is worthy to live or have their life mean something?  I read today on a community board for SN children that a mother with a new chromosomal child whois having desating spells while refluxing was advised to stop tube feeds and let the child slip away.  Starving to death is not a painless death.  I think asking a parent to allow their child to starve would go against EVERYTHING being a parent is.  I think being a medical professional who has taken an oath to do no harm; it would be going against everything they believe and took an oath to do.  So how is it, in modern society acceptable to think of these children as no more than an inhuman object deserving of starving to death?  How does that happen.  How do you see this person and because they have chromosomes you don't understand yet in every other way is a human child, consider them an object worthy of death because they just aren't worth the hassel.  Because they won't have the quality of life that others have.  How so?  I know plenty of worthless, non-contributing, normal chromomosomed people who do nothing but suck from society, yet their life is more valuable, why?

I know I wouldn't be as passionate about this if it wasn't for Simon.  THANK YOU GOD for his and your lessons.  Simon has had challenges.  Simon has been near death many times.  We did all we could do to help him fight his fight to live.  I would never deny him anything a typical child would need to survive under the same medical challenges.  His chromosomes make him no less my child that I will love and protect than my other two children.  What he has contributed to society is countless.  The impact he and others like him have had on my life and many others is countless.  How in the world do you put a value on that? 

Exercise, Eating Better and Frustration

I was so paranoid of injury and my health during my marathon training, I did little exercise other than running and watched my eating within reason.  Finishing the marathon gave me a sense of freedom to go for it with other exercise and more eating restrictions.  Plus I felt so bloated after, I just felt like something had to happen.

I belong to an LDS group of runners and people into over all fitness and we started a weight loss challenge.  When I weighed in, I got serious sticker (scale) shock, but it was what it was and I reported it.  This is the first week and though I still have room for improvement, I have eaten very well and exercised every single day.  My clothes barely fit today.  I don't know if my body is rebelling or if I have something hormonal going on, but I'm frustrated and a little ticked.  I know its only the first week so I'm not going to give up or anything, but I am seriously sitting here wishing I could wear sweats to work.  Yuck.

I've been sleeping better now that Simon is.  I'm drinking lots and lots of water.  I'm eating lots and lots of vegetables.  So what the heck?! 

Has anyone out there had an experience with this?  Does it just take patience?

I'm Going to be the BEST Old Lady!

I'm already forgetful, hard of hearing and needing granny glasses.  I'm 41 and don't want to admit any of that so my world has gotten a lot more interesting from the things I remember, hear and see.  Apparently my brain usually hears dirty things because I have to snap my head up to see what the guy on the T.V. actually said because there is no way he said what I heard on Antenna TV and especially the great George Burns would never use that language or innuendo. 

The sweet thing that I am (eye roll here) is getting more daring and belligerent as I get older and its pretty hilarious; to me.  I'm not sure how the people on the other side of it feel, but luckily as an old lady, I don't care.  It makes it more fun to see the mortified look in some one's eyes. 

I dance to muzak in the grocery store isles; well lets be honest, I've always done that.  If a kid is being a snot, I let them know they are being a snot, to their face; loudly. 

I plan on being very fit and strong and dancing the night away until I'm well into my 90's.  I plan on wearing loud colors and have bright blue or pink hair, maybe even lavender.  I might just get some obnoxious tattoo on my bum that says something like "Juicy" or Foxy Lady" just so my nurses have something interesting to tell their families after work changing my diapers.

I imagine myself with my close old lady friends strutting around the home like mean girls ruling the roost, in our Eddie Bauer capri's and sensible shoes.  I imagine Dave in his old man cardigans staring out the window just wishing I would shut up, you know like he does now.....

I'm going to embrace every change and make it the most fun ever.  You know, like I do now.....

I Am A Mormon

I'm not a good Mormon.  I'm not a typical Mormon.  I am a Mormon by choice and not by birth, but  I am a Mormon and I am proud of it. 

I have been through the Temple and treasure and loved the experience.  I'm between temple recommends right now because of life challenges and the fact that I'm a human being.  Based on the criteria of the religion I CHOOSE, I have things to work on.  I don't expect others who choose another faith or non-faith based life to do the things I do nor think poorly of them if they do.  Heck, if they do choose the same faith I do not think poorly of them if they do things I would not do. I do take my covenants seriously. Though not in the way others would necessarily do it.

Above everything, I believe in the atonement and free agency.  I govern my life and no one elses.  Each individual life is between them and the diety of their choice.  Per the articles of faith, I respect and accept others of different believes and like to learn about them. 

I do not fit in.  I never have anywhere really.  That is exactly how I like it. I am comfortable around most people unless they're critical, rude and judgemental; then I can't get away from them quick enough.

I get annoyed by people, but for the most part I like people.  I like learning about other people's lives and experiences.  I respect those that have learned how to improve their lives to be exactly who they want and hope to be someday.  I don't think there is one person on this Earth that is not in some place of progression, even if they think they are perfect and have no improvement left. 

I don't presume to know what my Heavenly Father will judge people on.  Its not my business.  I think it will be based on a knowledge and love far greater than what is in my capicity.

I have a wicked, irreverant sense of humor.  I find humor in just about everything.   I hope God does too.....

I think if we truly strive to live like Jesus, most difficult life questions wouldn't be so difficult.  I strive to make Jesus and my Heavenly Father proud; not my neighbors. 

That in a nutshell are my thoughts regarding myself and my religion.  I do and will accept anyone in my life regardless of background.  Unless you're an A-hole, then I won't want to be around you.  You can congreate with other A-hole's. If you're good to me, I will be good to you.  Simple.

Journey to a Marathon

I first toyed with the idea of doing a marathon back around 2004.  It was mostly a fleeting "hmmm maybe" type of thought.  Soon after I found out I was pregnant with Simon and knew it couldn't even be a thought or consideration.  Not devastating just, oh well.  While walking in a March of Dimes walk on the same day as the marathon, I saw myself admiring and envying the runners, but thought that it never could happen so I just let the thought leave.

Once Simon was born, it seemed like all life revolved around his care and learning how to care for him and pretty much all other outside life came to a halt if it couldn't include him.  Over time, Dave and I both realized that we needed to find ourselves and what we enjoy again, separate from the rest of our lives.  He started doing his music again and I started running.  I hated being out of shape and how I felt and running was the easiest exercise to fit in, even though it was still difficult with the unpredictable life Simon led.  After talking to a mom who also has a SN child as well as other younger children, she said buy the shoes and enter the race; spend some money and you will find a way to fit it in.  So that's what I did.  I signed up for a 5K and began training.

On the race day of the 5K, I rode the bus with a woman who had run some marathons and some half's and just said, "if you can do a half, you can do a marathon".  I had never run more than 5 miles, in my life.  The idea was planted.  I ran the 5K and had a good time and felt proud but didn't really have a marathon in my sights, just that "hmmm" thought again.  It didn't seem so impossible after all.  But was it?

I made the goal of training as if I was training for a half marathon.  I figured if I could run 13miles by the time of marathon sign ups I would go ahead and sign up for the marathon.  Why not just sign up for the half do you ask?  Yeah, that's just not my style.  If I was going to do it, I was going to do it all the way.  I had my feet checked out before I did my first 8.  Luckily I have a great podiatrist who just gets it and though I have tendinitis and bone spurs he gave me the all clear, saying my feet are as good as they get right now and surgery was at least a couple of years away.

I ran 8 and then 10.  I started learning more about the need to fuel after 10 miles.  When it was time to do my 13, I had a physical done.  The doctor found a bigimeny and I had to halt training until after my echo was done.  I had to wait a week for the echo and then another week for the results.  I was able to run, he just asked that I take it down a notch.  My heart structure was fine and I was able to run again.  I was taking heart meds in the mean time and with his permission I weened off while making sure to cut down my caffeine.  I'm a diet coke fanatic and I knew it was time to let it go. 

With my training stalled, I had to start easing back into higher miles.  The first few months of every year is Simon testing and doctor visits time and that made it difficult to get my miles in.  I still had plenty of time, but not as much time as I was hoping to have under my belt. 

I finally ran my first 13 by doing the first half of the marathon course.  It was snowy and muddy and a tough run, but I completed it.

My whole goal during this journey was to make sure I stayed healthy and injury free so I always approached each run as finishing the miles and not finishing them fast.  Week by week I followed my training plan but remained flexible in the way I have over the years of being Simon's mother.

Three weeks before the marathon I finally squeezed in my 20.  That was the final week of higher miles and now it was time to taper and mentally prepare for the Marathon.  I was pumped and ready. and the rest is well, history.  Now, I'm pretty much hooked...

If you want something, commit to it.  Cultivate it.  Do not accept anything else. And to quote NIKE "Just do it!"